The deepest sorrows

Do you know where you can find the deepest sorrows?

It is between the lines, where the words are left unsaid.
It is where you hear silence, in the sea of unnecessary banters.
It is found behind every curve of the lips, trying to give a smile.

It kills never having to wholly feel it, yet you feel it.

Caged. Trying to escape.
But it can't. It won't.

Wanting space

Cause when you want space, it means you're suffocated.

You demand for space because you:

Want to be understood.
Want to be free.
Want to be separated.

Like how you understand each and every word you utter, you write.. because you put space between them.
Like how you can feel that the world does not owe you anything.. floating freely in the galaxies.
Like how two people felt that they've been so close and just want to get away.

*sigh*

What if in the middle of demanding and wanting space, you find yourself building high and strong walls?

A precaution. A limit.

To avoid contacts, scared to be hurt again.
Because you once let down the walls of your heart, and find yourself crashing on the ground.

But that's the downfall of wanting to feel the thing you call love, right?
To risk the feeling of being hurt and vulnerable.
To be human.

To open up yourself.
In spite of pain. of harsh words and inevitable actions.

Just to feel how to love.. and be loved in return.

Silence

What do you get from silence?
Nothing.

What do you get from blank stares?
Nothing.

But really, does silence means there's silence?
Or the words are just tapped inside her lips,
waiting to be unleashed, waiting for release?

Does those void stares really blank..
or is it well masked and full of pretensions,
sifting through reactions, hiding emotions too well?

Why can't you just tell it?
Why can't you just be truthful about it?

The silence is eerie.
Awkward.
Deadly.

Don't you care enough to speak?

How can you not

How can you not be tired?

How can you not care?

How can you not know?

Are you trying to be blind?

Or just blinded by your perspectives?

Are you trying to be deaf?

Or your thoughts are just louder?

Are you trying to be numb?
Or you don't understand enough?

I can't understand a thing at all.

Trapped.
Confused.
Lost. 

Shortlived

That moment of happiness.

Fleeting.

Just like how a couple of seconds passed.

Just like how a bullet pierced through someone else's flesh.

Out of your grasp.

Out of your comprehension.

As if it didn't make a difference at all.

As if nothing happened.

Would I remember it later? Next week? Next month?

I doubt.

Bags you cannot carry

What do you call the bags you cannot carry?

The bags that weigh heavily under the lids of your eyes.
The bags you show underneath a smiling face.
The bags you hide underneath a beating heart.

Do you still want them?
Then why do you keep them?

Do you lock them away in your closet?
Behind the shadows?

If you can't carry it, why not leave it?
What's holding you back?

Put it down.

The day you lose

The day you lose is the day you start winning again.

You start rising against the currents that bring you down.

The road to anywhere you want to be is not easy.

But nobody said you couldn't make it.

Today may be not the day.

Failures may come your way..

But remember all beginnings unfold when you begin to lose.

Because you want to win again.

Heartbreaking.

How would you know if there is an existing wound 

when you can't see it?

How would you know how much it hurts

when you just felt it when somebody told you it hurts?

Through joys and tears.. Win or lose.. I bleed Blue.

Congrats, Ateneo. One Big Fight! :)

Dedicated to my thoughts

This blog is dedicated to my thoughts.

The thoughts that would kill.
The thoughts that could take away my sanity.

I want to lock them in here, in a space where it can't hurt.
Where it can catch the darkest thoughts and save me.

Every blank piece of paper, every space leads to escape.
Where thoughts could be freely expressed, no pretensions, no masks, no suppression.

I want the world to know what I feel. The thoughts that makes me blue.
The blue stuff the makes me think.

It seems like blue is already a part of me that I couldn't get away from.
It clings, pulls me down with it. And I need somewhere far, but too close where I can jot it all down.

*sigh*

Is it right to feed on emotions and dwell on them?
Because I do.