Stuck

Where in the world can you find the will to keep on?

Is it under the rugs of your house's entrance,
like where you'd keep its key?

Is it in every waking moment,
waiting for the right time to see it?

Is it playing hide and seek with me
that's why I can't see it?

Can I find it in every procrastinating feels?
In every hunger,  every tiredness that I'm feeling?

Can I find it in faith, or the loss of it?

Where? Because I'm dying and losing my wits,
perhaps, transforming into another robot..

Waking into a routine,
never coming back..

stuck in the harshness of reality..
with no one to lend a helping hand.

Fragments

Doesn't like staying, but isn't willing to leave.

All at once, then none in a second.

In just a bat of an eyelash,
In a snap of a finger,

All disappears, like it never existed.

Tired but not exhausted.
Hopeless but not weary.

Wanted to shout but can't.
Wanted to express but suppressed
Wanted to leave but chained.

I f I c a n o n l y s a y w h a t  m y  h e a r t y e a r n s t o s a y

I t ' s l i k e w o r d s w e r e h e l d u p i n a j a i l

T r a p p e d , s e r v i n g t h e p u n i s h m e n t o f w a n t i n g t o b e f r e e

Paulit ulit.

Gusto kong umiyak ng umiyak hanggang sa magsawa ako.
Gusto kong makatulog sa kakaiyak,
dala dala ang bigat ng damdaming hindi ko man lang maibahagi.

Gusto kong paulit ulit isipin ang mgabagay na hindi ko kayang gawin.
Kahit masakit, kahit paulit ulit niyang dinudurog ang puso ko,
sa mga pagkakataong hindi ko magawang gawin ang tama, ang dapat.

Gusto kong maging patas, sa lahat ng ginagawa ko para sa tao.
Gusto kong maglaan ng oras sa mga taong karapat dapat na
ibinabahagi nito,

Gusto kong gawing simple ang bawat bagay.
Alam kong kaya ko.. ngunit hindi ko alam kung papaano.

Sana, applicable sa lahat ang 'just do it'.
Walang pag-aalinlangan, walang pag-iisip.
Simple. Walang problema.

Bakit hindi ko maialis sa sarili ko ang salitang komplikado?
Bakit ba patuloy kong pinapakiramdaman ang emosyon ko?

Hindi na ba ako natuto?

Nakakapagood.

Sana kayang maibsan ng bawat pag-iyak, nabawat tulo ng luha eh,
sinasama at pinapakawalan na rin ng katawan mo ang mga bagay na
bumabagabag at nagpapalungkot sa'yo.

*sigh*

Holding

It's sad when you'd rather hide what you feel than express it.
What's holding you back?

Pride?

What if time holds out the chance out of your grasp?
Can you even live with your pride?

Empty

What will you do when someone hands you an empty word?
Can you even hold it, when you know it's empty?

What if you're waiting for something that will never come?
How can you waste time and energy for it?

*sigh*

Find solace on songs you don't even understand.
Listen to the melody that only fades as it passes.

Full.

A bloated stomach.

A clouded mind.

Two heavy eyes.

One tired body.

How I wish I can say stop.

To command things in a snap.

But I can't.

I can't.

You can control your thoughts.

Perhaps your emotions.

But never the circumstances,

the situation, the environment.