Para sa'yo.

Sa loob ng maraming taon, ikaw ang bukod tanging pinagtuunan ko ng pansin. Sa totoo lang, sa'yo ko na binuo ang mga pangarap ko. Sabi ko makakaya kong gawin lahat basta't nandiyan ka lang.

Kapag kasama kita, walang kasing saya ang nararamdaman ko. Ikaw ang palaging nandyan - masaya o malungkot man ako. Binigay mo ang isang bagay na hindi kayang ibigay ng iba. Ang sarili mo.

Kaya pakiramdam ko, hindi ako karapat-dapat para sa'yo. Ang dami kong pagkukulang. Maraming bagay ang dapat kong ginagawa para sa'yo pero isinasantabi at binabalewala ko lang.

Naisip kong kalimutan ka na lang.. pero hindi madali eh. Hindi ko yata kaya. Alam kong mahirap gawin at panindigan ang desisyon na 'to pero.. pwede bang mag-cool off muna tayo?

Alam kong marami pa tayong pangarap para sa isa't isa.. pero hindi ko 'yun kayang tuparin kung puro ganito na lang ako. Siguro nga ngayon, iba na. Marami nang nagbago. Nagbago na ako.

Sana hayaan mo muna akong umalis. Babalik naman ako eh. Pangako. Sana sa pagbalik ko, nandyan ka pa rin, naghihintay. Ayoko lang makita ang sarili ko na hindi ka kayang pahalagahan.

Kailangan ko lang sigurong hanapin ang sarili ko. Para sa susunod na magkita tayo, alam kong mas magandang bersyon na ako ng sarili ko.

Para sa'yo.

To be loved

Here comes the desire to be wanted.
To be cared for.
It's true when they say that you cannot move on
Unless someone new comes along.

You have stolen my heart..

I'm stupid for still hoping for you.
That you'd be the one to sing love songs for me.
And be the reason why you'd play melodies.
Or even write poems and letters.

But I'm not.
Not the one who you'll want to be with.
To talk and share stories to.
Because I'm just your friend.

Yes, I know right from the start
That we're not meant for each other
You're way out of my league.
We can't just be together.

I have wanted to move on.
But you are my first love!
And still, no one has managed to pass through my walls.
Like the way you effortlessly tore it down.

You were the last who made it through.
People were pushed away by my silence
Or were annoyed by my boisterous laugh.
Or by my loud curses and unrestrained comments.

And I said I wouldn't marry.
But you know, I miss what it feels to love
And know what it's like to be loved.
Not unrequited, not one-sided.

Araw

May mga bagay na talagang sa isang tiyak na oras o panahon mo lang makikita.
Katulad ng mga bagay na nakikita mo habang unti-unting sumisikat ng araw.

Makikita mo kung paano naaabot ng araw ang bawat puno, halaman, poste
at iba pang mga bagay na tinatamaan ng liwanag nito.

Makikita mo ang anino sa pinagsamang kumot ng madilim na kalangitan at
katiting na liwanag ng araw.

Ang liwanag na kayang ipakita sayo ang mga bagay na hindi kayang ibigay ng iba.
Ang liwanag na nagbibigay ng bagong perspektibo sa mga bagay na ordinaryo sa paningin mo noon.


#021514

The good in letting go

You know what's good in letting go?
The fact that you accept that you cannot control anything.
Everything.

It may be utterly painful and frustrating to just let it be,
but it will liberate you.

From the highest of expectations to the simplest of thoughts,
will cease to haunt you.

Coffee

It has always been the coffee.

Hot.
Iced.
Black.
Sugared.
Creamed.

It lets you feel the things you shouldn't.
Like you want forget and get over it.
But remembers and misses everything instead

It causes your heart to skip a beat
Like what you feel when you're in love
But the truth is, it only gives palpitations.

It makes you feel happy, ecstatically happy
As if that glass of liquid is a magic elixir
That will eventually waver as it effect loses in thin air.

It gives an overwhelming feeling
Letting you say the things you want to say
And do the things you've been scared to do.

I've been addicted and keeps coming back for more
Even though it will only give illusions
The love of it keeps me from shunning it.

Lost

Lost in the sea of thoughts, of emotions.
Drowning in fear, doubt and sadness.

Constantly shifting from solid ground to solid ground,
finding something I can grip on to survive those things that drowns me.


If only it is easy to say I quit,
blurt it out of your lips
and terminate whatever things
have been holding you back
from looking the beauty of life.


#011614